i feel like shit

feeling like shit is no fun
but
but
why do people have to hurt other people
and why do people look at situations so differently from each other
and why do people have to have egos that take charge
and why
do
i
have
to
cry
over
the
dumbest
things

dear julie

dear julie,
you saw me.

dear julie,
i saw you.

dear julie,
i still see you.

dear julie,
do you still see me?

love, shannon

sunshine daydream

naked, i came to you
flying out of the brush in the forest of my soul
with ravaged skin, i combusted into fire
i showed you my broken aorta, fusing rich blood
from the left ventricle of my heart
to the merri-go-round of arteries
your touch mended old habbits
and i fell
back into the infinite abyss
of relying on you

I miss you

Dear Julie,
I wish I could tell you that everything reminded me of you yesterday. My very own breath, every single step, everything I saw. My Mom and I started balling our eyes out together last night. She missed her father, I missed you. I try so hard to honor everything you taught me about life by living with optomism and openness. Sometimes though, things catch me off guard, and I feel like I'm a fish out of water. I cry about you until I swim in my own tears. Your spirit seems to shower down on me. I am grateful for still feeling connected to you. Then I made a cup of tea in the tea pot you made me. It always tastes bittersweet. I miss everything about you. Everything I disliked and everything I loved. Cus I realize I really did love everything I disliked.

You'll never read this, but it feels good imagining that you might,
-Shannon

1/7/10

I'll always be around if you want me

look what i found

i wrote this last summer:

I am tumbling through a dark abyss of an almost lover's rejection. I reached to the intangiable and found that I had lost what in fact was never mine. He seemed like an oak tree of Vermont. His familiar trunk quenches in sugary syrup. I would've loved to taste his maple tears. My natural hair is tousled, waved, and untamed like the ocean. I have a third eye composed of inner light that seeps out of my soul. I see with all my eyes the way you stand with poise. You are routed. How do you brave the storm? She came in and blew the possibility of having you out of my head. Meanwhile, I am writing my storm to ride my storm.

i wrote this three nights ago:

Dear Julie,
I am sedated by my own breath. I have just finished a lengthy session of yoga on my new mat. The smell of the fresh rubber still lingers in my nose. When I was balancing in each pose, I turned to my mirrior and looked deep into my eyes. My iris became a focal point. I stared right into my soul. I road the inhale of my breath and felt my lungs collapse with each exhale. I was connected to my entire body- soles of my feet, to the top of my head. My body was a circle of one life. My heart, the center point, equi-distant to each point of energy that encompassed it. I dove into the vibes that mingled and sang through my mind. I whispered positive affirmations. "I am strong" I said. I hummed, feeling the vibrations in my throat. "I am in charge of my life," I said. I flet like I could acheive anything with this new wave of acceptance. I forgave myself for my latest mistakes and reminded myself that it's okay to make more. Each day, each son, each snow, each storm, each breath, each pose, is teaching me how to release anything binding my heart. I am learning to go with the flow of the seasons. I think you would be proud of me. Each day, I tighten my grip on my life.

I miss you,
Shannon

I wrote this last night:

vissions
waves crashing against her sunburnt scalp
her cheeks slightly bronzed
her tongue speechless
the power of each moment
when it arrives, planting seeds
into her heart

vissions
slidding down the treehouse oak banister
furnished, polished, coated with ivory
summertime
when she puts her butterfly wings on

vissions
she wants to hear a lullaby
in a shady spot
with leaves in her hair

vissions
taste like watermelong
smell of freshly moved lawn
sound like laughter
feel like the breath of earth
look like an open window

Boston, oh I love that dirty water

Boston today with mom and Christine. We took the Amtrack! So wonderfull!! I want to get lost in the woods tomorrow. I just want to keep walking and keep turning different directions until I have no sence of north south east or west. then i want to find my way back.


i want to be free from all of this stuff! I want me myself and I (and possibl jenny).